Time for another round of quotes you may hear while roleplaying.

“So, how many cities are under this corner of the room?”

“Squash him like the bug he is!”
(Re: a villain named Dr. Mosquito)

“I’m blind, but I can also flash back, now, right?”

“This is for the good people of Washington DC, you heinous scumbag!”
(said by a superhero, shortly before squashing Dr. Mosquito into a wall, killing him.)
[ed: GOOD people of Washington DC?????]

“Center the fireball on me!”
Said by the paladin who was beset by shadows.

“I charge Lord Strahd!”
2nd level priest.

“Cool! A rocket launcher! Never used one of these before!”

“You know, that limo would make a good diversion.”
Right before the rocket round slams into it.

“Wait until the chopper moves away from us to shoot it!”

“So, both mice were involved…”

“So exactly how much insanity has leaked into the water supply?”

(ex-cop to psycho gangmember) “Points, you can kill the cop later!” (pause) “What am I SAYING?!?”

(psycho gangmember to GM) “Can I have a mortar?”
“NO.”

(person at Inn to armored cleric) “What’s up?”
“Gotta go rescue the paladin from the clerics of Cyric. Be back in an hour.”

(evil arifact) “I’ll give you power if you kill your friends.”
(chaotic evil character) “Okay.”

“Dammit, he tried to sacrifice the mage to Lloth. AGAIN.”

“Hey Marlik, how’d you know that ring made you immune to fire?”
“The ring makes me immune to fire?”

“I hide underneath the Zentradae Battlepod.”

“Whattaya MEAN the Banshee snuck up on us?!?”

“How do you hide a fraggin’ assault cannon under a trenchcoat?!!??”

“Druid for your troubles?”

(light based superhero to darkness based supervillain) “I’m sick of your games. Because you’re sick, you think you can split us asunder. You say you can’t live without darkness, well, I can’t live without light! You are Darkness!! I am Light!! AND IT’S DAWN, BITCH!!!!!

The Lord: “This is your guide. He knows all the secrets of this world. He knows the lost way to the City of The Mountains”
Darko (chaotic evil): “I cut off his right hand”.

“So if the water is flowing upward, how do we drink it?”

“Skinriding wraith to the ex-CIA agent with the gun trained on her “Don’t shoot me, I need this body!”

GM: “Ok, you peek in the door and see a sleeping shadow dragon that fills almost an entire level of this tower.”
Chaotic Evil Fighter: “Hey, Mr. Shadow Dragon. I’ve got a deal for ya, there are these people in your tower…”
(This was after the chaotic evil had been tied up and left in a different part of the tower by the other PCs.

(Player to GM): “So, how many points of recoil compensation does a human body provide?”

Player: “Ooh, a sporeball. I’ll just grab this floating ball of flesh and push it over in front of the sporeball so it will attack this thing instead of us.”
(note: one should always make sure that the ‘ball of flesh’ one is pushing is not a beholder-kin itself. You should’ve seen the look on his face when the deathkiss sunk it’s tentacles into him!)

GM as NPC Mayor:”Well, we don’t quite have enough cash to pay you for those magical items, good sir. However we can give you a title and a large piece of land (roughly the size of Kentucky) instead.”
PC: “Hmm… Nah, I don’t live on this plane anyway. Give me the cash instead.”

PC #1: “I grab the tied up kender by the ankles and begin to shake him to get our stuff to fall out of his pouches.”
*shake* *shake* *shake*
PC #2(Kender): “I don’t like this! I’ll taunt him!”
*thud* OW! *thud* OW! *thud*

Kender: “I know a way to make this dragon pause!”
GM (with much trepidation): “What are you going to do?”
Kender: “I’ll take my hoopak and fire a gold coin up it nose!”

Hallucinating Cleric: “I’ll stop you! Take that…. and that… and TOWERS OF PROCESSED CHEESE!”

Ranger to Oracle: “We have ways of making you state the obvious”

Ranger to party after he finds out that the Gods want them to save GrayHawk “Whos Stupid idea was this?”

PC: “I Know Ancient Tongues. Arcaic Elvish Maybe?”
GM:No, Elvish eluded you because the deep symbolism of “ain’t nothing but a hounddog” eluded you.

Fighter: Uh…how many kobolds are there?
DM: Well, about 200. Wanna stop and count?

“Thanks to that demon, we got out safe and sound!”

(Right after seeing a demon being summoned by evil NPC’s, and returning from scouting trip.)”There’s a guy looking for you in there. He looks perturbed.”

GM:”I just wonder how often I can make him run away from the same four guys…”

I didn’t know that daemon lords traveled in packs of five!!
(You know you have a nasty GM when….)

DM: O.K. for his first attack…(looks in creatures & treasures guide and eyes widen. A shake of the head) God, I didn’t realize how nasty these things were! So, what’s your defensive bonus?

1st lvl Mage: ‘Just what we need… another bar room brawl..’
Warrior: ‘I go for the big guy!’
Elf: ‘I go for my knife.’
1st lvl Mage: ‘I go for the door!’

(picture the scene: The party is riding along past an innocent looking cave, when a Red Dragon descends on them. The party consists of a mage, a thief, a cavalier in full plate plus lance, and 2 warriors.)
Dragon: ‘Any last words before I destroy you all?’
Mage (pointing at cavalier): ‘My mate there reckons he could take you!’
Cavalier (as Dragon attacks him and him alone): What!?!?
Mage (to everyone but the Cavalier: ‘RUN FOR IT!!’

“Guys, I think we’re being followed by lightning bugs…”

Kender to the pirate captain who holds him by the ankles: “…and you’re big, and ugly, and mean, and you’re never gonna score with that priestess of Sirrion…” (sploosh)

(Our guest pirate captain): Board them! and do “pirate stuff”.
(Sounds to me like this captain read Dogbert’s Top Secret Management Guide(TM)… -ed)

Famous Last Words Dept: “I poke it…”

Zombie Guardian:”No, I cannot leave here, I’ve got strict odours.”

Ranger: Meet my arch nemesis Marr! (Thrusting forth a shrivled banana)

More Famous Last Words Dept: “OK, I moon the balrog”

(PC:s have sent a chest full of slime to one of their arch enemies)
Mage: Haha! I just wish I was there so see his face when he opens it. Wait….am I still wearing that Ring of Wishing??? *poof*

“We don’t want a fair fight–we want an easy slaughter!”

(a Brujah and a Ravnos trying to kill the Tremere Primogen)
Brujah: It didn’t work!
Ravnos: Why?…Wait..deflection ….it broke didn’t it?
Brujah: (nodding) Is that called a mis-stake?
Ravnos: **THWAP!**

Knight charging an insane great horned dragon: “For the gods, king and country!”
Dragon: For lunch!
(Sounds like the dragon wasn’t the one that was insane… -ed)

Knight: No man may stand save for the grace of the gods, the love of a woman, the cry for vengeance.
Thief: Shouldn’t you just sit down then?

“I’m not very good at surveillance work, being blind and all…”

(The party has just encountered a ghost which will answer any one question. They’re currently very very lost and very much without needed supplies…)
Fighter: “How are you?”
Ghost: “Fine” (Fades Away)
Player who controls fighter: Hey! Ow! That hurts! Stop it!

“Oh good, you can see me. I’ve been trying for two days. Apparently I’m dead or something…”

“I can see things you can’t. Ask the cat.”

“Okay, I use my deathblow on the dragon!”
Famous last words?

Tremere Neonate: “Friends are only enemies that don’t have the guts to kill you”

Smuggler (seeing his own wanted poster): “That isn’t good.”

“I annihilated myself and everything in sight, and this credit card is still con cealed between my cheeks?”

“The wall only goes up a couple of miles? I’ll climb it, then.”

“It seems he suffers from terminal kinetic energy poisoning…”