By now, most gamers are familiar with the traditional four types of players: The Real Man, The Real Roleplayer, The Loonie, and The Munchkin. Obviously, the creation of the Four Types is meant to be a joke, as well as a gross oversimplification, but even so, it’s time we had a much more detailed oversimplification. So here, without further ado, is the Groening-style “FRP Is One of the Nine Hells” summary (originally by William Chase Bynum):

1. The Real Man – “Hot Diggity!! Gnoll outpost at twelve o’clock!! CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!”

2. The Real Roleplayer – “Don’t start yet!! I need my two minutes to get properly into character.”

3. The Loonie – “I sheathe my longsword and kiss the ogre on the lips.”

4. The Munchkin – “Five arch-devils and two demigods? That’s ALL?! I guess I’ll only need to use six of my rings for this encounter.”

5. The Coward – “Yikes! Three kobolds!! Retreat! Retreat!”

6. The Troublemaker – “Just before the Mayor gives his speech to the town, I cast ‘command – vomit’ on him.”

7. The Novice – “I just rolled a 2 on my ‘to hit’ roll. Did I want high or low?”

8. The Tactician – “The archer will move silently into position behind the podium, carefully aiming at the sergeant. The mage will remain behind the door in preparation of a ‘sleep’ spell which will be centered at the table around which are the bulk of the guards. Meanwhile, the fighter and I . . .”

9. The Quiet Type – “I dunno . . . I lob off another arrow at the monster this round, I guess.”

10. The Punster – “You know how many clerics it takes to fix a light bulb? One to cast ‘cure light’.”

11. The PC Infighter – “Since Ruth’s been such a twit, I hit her in the face with my flail while she’s casting her ‘find familiar’ spell.”

12. Joe I-Got-the-Rules-Down-Pat – “No, if you look in the DMG, page 87, paragraph 5, you’ll find this spell won’t affect griffons.”

13. The Whiner – “Three points?! I take THREE POINTS OF DAMAGE!?! Frank, what the hell kind of grudge do you have against me?”

14. The Bully – “Are you sure I don’t make my saving throw? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure? Do you want to keep your nose the way it is, Lou?”

15. Mr. Greedy – “So it’s not evil? And it’s not attacking? So what! I WANT THAT XP!!!!”

16. The Cheater – “I roll an… 18! It hits!” [Quickly grabs dice.]

17. The Chastiser – “And you DIDN’T SEE THAT TRAP COMING? Hahahaha!! Just how long did you say you’ve been playing this game?”

18. The Kamikaze Guy – “I jump off our perch, taking careful aim to land dead center on the hobgoblin patrol. Just before I hit the ground, though, I set off the “fire trap’ on all my nine flasks of oil.”

19. The Good Roller – “Oh, looky here. An 03 on percentile dice. If that door was trapped, I just found something.”

20. The Bad Roller – “Oh, damn it all!! *Another* critical fumble!!”

21. The Braggart – “The thought of you attacking me isn’t even interesting. I could get off a ‘sleep’ spell and slit your unconscious throat before you even get your longsword out of its sheath.”

22. The Reminiscer – “Say, y’know, this is like the time our party thief spent twenty minutes trying to lock-pick an unlocked door.”

23. Goody Two-Shoes – “Wait a minute. Even if they are orcs, we just can’t kill them when they’re asleep and can’t defend themselves.”

24. The Overoptimistic Daydreamer – “After we get through this campaign, and have gained about nine, ten levels, I’m going to buy me the finest battle axe +3 money can buy.”

25. Short-Attention-Span Man – “Hmmm? What? Are we attacking now?”

 

Article plucked from: http://www.gamegrene.com/node/68